Your Body Does What You Ask

Today I hit a milestone. 100 pounds!! It is a milestone because that is half the weight I need to lose. That is hard to believe. When this began I just didn't know if I would be successful even with this drastic a step. To know that I have gotten 1/2 way there and still have about a year left (with the bypass they give you about an 18 month window of opportunity to get all of your excess weight off)it feels that it is possible.

Easy right? I am here to tell you it is not easy. Unless you are living inside my head it would be hard to understand. I self-defeat everyday. The first plateau I hit I knew why my body was "resting". It wanted to make sure I meant it this time. So I made up some positive things to say to myself when I would beat myself up. I reminded myself that my body did what I had asked. I felt that I needed the protection that this weight has given me all of my life. So when negativity crept up I would remind myself and thank my body for the help it had given me. I told my body that I would be patient and wait for when it felt ready to face my fears with me and let go of the extra weight. And I did...and it did, eventually.

One of the things that happened during this plateau was that my body took some time to "rearrange" itself. So, when the numbers started dropping my clothes fit differently immediately and let me know things had happened even though the scale had not moved. (I also recently discovered that a plateau is only a plateau if neither the scale nor measurements change for 3+ weeks.) I do not do and have not done measurements so when I say plateau it is a number plateau.

I hit my second plateau about 3 weeks ago. This was different because I was 3 pounds away from the 100 mark. So these three weeks were a little more difficult and I will admit I was not as nice to myself as I should have been. However, my positives this time were that I continued eating and exercising appropriately. My negative thoughts were not a constant battle about food and how I would get it and when I could get it. That is very exciting to me because it is a step I have prayed about for years. That food would not continue to have the stranglehold over my thoughts and be my comfort for everything. What a joy it was to think, when I was frustrated, I need to take a walk or workout instead. Thankfully, I have lots of active children in this house now always up for an outdoor adventure. Then, of course, Flora came and so she went to the activity center everyday with me. Dan has been there through this plateau 100%. He reminded me often of my commitment to let my body have the time it needed to become accustomed to what I am trying to accomplish. I am ever grateful to him and his unconditional love and acceptance of me when I worry about who I will become as I find myself through losing myself.

I am grateful to be in Metlakatla, at this time, because the weather is milder and so I do get out and hike and walk with the kids a lot more. My support system really has become family and friends because I do not have a built in support system like I did in Boise. No groups or counseling. So I turn to friends, family and the Lord, a lot, to get me through these times of uncertainty. For you all I am also grateful.