Errands for Ethan

I have posted about this family before but to honor the one year anniversary of the death of their son they have started an "Errands for Ethan" campaign. It is designed just for you to do something kind or give an act of service on each March 26. Then post to share what you have done. Remember, "no one can do everything but everyone can do something"!

Here is a reminder of their story:

Errands for Ethan

by Cortney Shurtz on Monday, March 19, 2012 at 1:26pm ·

Dear Friends and Family,

A year ago on March 26th, which is next Monday, the world lost an incredible, loveable, lively, and beautiful little boy. He was born on September 4th 2003 to his loving parents Marcus and Kim. Ethan Ellsworth was the kind of boy every kid wanted as their friend, the type of player every team wanted on their side, and the type of angel Heavenly Father needed so quickly back at his side. He was an incredible young boy to say the very least and he is missed so very much by those who loved him and remember his lively and infallible spirit.

Ethan was the middle child between his brother Parker and sister Madilyn. He was also beyond excited to find out that his Mommy was expecting a little boy in whom he wanted to name Hawk. Please read Kim's blog on how his little brother's name evolved. Kim was six months pregnant when Ethan left this world. There is no doubt that a part of Ethan lives on in his amazingly sweet and loving little brother.

The passing of Ethan was completely unexpected. He was born with a condition known as AVM. Below you can find a link to more information. The AVM caused his brain to hemorrhage unexpectedly one night and he was rushed to the hospital for both a diagnosis, then emergency surgery to stop the horrific bleeding that was occurring. His parents would remain both faithful and hopeful for the next several days until the final reports came back that there was nothing they could do for our sweet Ethan. Marcus and Kim made the hardest and most painful decision that any parents should ever have to make. They took Ethan off of the machines, but not before donating almost every organ of Ethan's that was healthy and able to be used for other children. This is what Ethan was about. He lived to love and brighten others' lives and he would want nothing less than to see his organs being used for good. Ethan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arteriovenous_malformation

This world is a better place because of Ethan Ellsworth. He touched the lives of everyone he came across on his short earthly journey. If it wasn't his amazing eyes or handsome appearance, it was his charming personality that won people over. Because of Ethan we are inspired to continue to live each day to the fullest (we all know he did this like the best of them!) and to help anyone and everyone that we meet along our earthly journey.

This March 26th and every one to follow will be declared ERRANDS FOR ETHAN Day. This is a day where we will perform random acts of kindness in his name. Whether it be buying someone's meal behind you in the fast food line, visiting a lonely neighbor or friend, baking goods and delivering them to those who need lifted, helping someone with yardwork, or just lending an ear or your heart to someone who is in need of love and acceptance in their life...we can all be a part of changing someone else's life for the better.

Ethan did this EVERY single day of his life. He was our hero and we thought that there is no better way to allow his legacy to live on than to perform errands of kindness and love on his anniversary date each year.

Please don't let these actions stop with you, instead let's help this become viral. This can be accomplished thanks to facebook and other social networks that connect us around the globe. Please forward this to all of your friends and family and encourage them to do the same. One seven year old's dream of a better future through unconditional love and kindness could in fact change our world. Do this for Ethan and help buoy his family with your incredible stories.

Kim invited me to share her blog with the world. She wants everyone to know and love Ethan as we did. This past month she has been recounting Ethan's last month on Earth and this week she will be sharing their last week with Ethan at the hospital. We encourage you to read the blog. It is truly inspiring and if her blog can help just one person on their personal journey of grief, it will have been worth her time each day to recount her memories and experiences.

We also ask that you share your experiences of ERRANDS FOR ETHAN, whether it be directly on Kim's blog or linked to this note. We want to hear the wonderful things that are being performed in his memory. Thank you for helping keep his memory alive and for doing such wonderful acts that any heavenly host would be proud of.

Ethan we LOVE you and will ALWAYS remember you!

http://www.kimandmarcus.blogspot.com/

Frustration

I have to complain a smidge so I will make this blog short...I hope.  I get so frustrated when my kids act like they are afraid of me and can't tell me anything they need to tell me.  Example without names...last weekend we shopped for clothes.  After, we headed to a bookstore and then home.  Now, a week later I asked about the new clothes and why they hadn't been worn.  I was told...'Oh, I left them at the bookstore'.  Now, this child, I know would have wanted to wear the clothes right away so would have known they left them at the store, if not the same day during the one hour drive from the store than at least the first school day following this little shopping excursion.  Not only that someone had gone down the day before and picked up another item left at another place, the same hour drive away, the same child had left behind.  So, yesterday would have been a great opportunity to tell me that said items had been forgotten and both could have been retrieved.

Today I am told, 'Yes, I knew I had left them but was afraid to tell you'.  Why?!?  I don't beat or even hit my kids...I spanked a few times with Trev but found that to be ineffective so the worst to expect is loudness from me!  I have other kids and Rachel, for example, would have been hounding me daily until I found a way to get those clothes back not telling me she was afraid to tell me!

Anyway, the frustration is that I feel like a bad parent when this happens.  And with the children we adopted from foster care it happens a lot.  I understand, truly, why they would be nervous and continue to try to help them feel secure that they could not do anything that would:

1. Make me beat them
2. Make me not love them
3. Make me send them away

I don't like feeling like the bad guy...it has been a constant and unexpected trial since, as I may or may not have mentioned in other posts, I am cool.  I am fun, love to play games, love to hug and kiss my kids, spend time with them and be a mom.  Feeling like a failure, where kids are concerned, is hard for me.

One of the best things someone ever said to me after adopting these children is, instead of saying, they have lived here XX amount of time so should be acting like ZZ...I should say, they have only been here XX amount of time and look at how far we have come.  Seriously, that was an answer to prayer and works for me every time when they are fighting with each other and I can see the frustrations involved in trying to become "true" brothers and sisters.  I think it works in every situation, with all of my children, reminding me kids are only a certain age so it might be expected behavior.  But it is harder when it is about being afraid of me.

Truthfully, I would say it worked in this situation also, if I think about it because it has been almost 3 months since the last time I heard it from either of them. It used to be daily and then became weekly so it is getting better.   It doesn't hurt less but I will keep plodding along because I can now hug and kiss them whenever I want without them looking at me like I am a "chester".  I tickled one recently and they didn't look at me like I was abusing them...they actually laughed a full on natural laugh.  We snuggle together on the couch and at church and I get to rub their backs and play with their hair and they want me to.  I hear about the things they do at school and the great things they do in their sports games. I hear about dance and my daughter and I are in a play together.

So thanks for letting me rant...it let me remember we are getting there!  And while I may be scary to them, I am grateful that it is positively scary to me how much I love them even when I am frustrated!

PS...positive note...someone turned the bag into mall security so we will be able to get the clothes back, too!  (Happy face for honest people!!!)